I wrote this a while back... but the truth of it rings recent.
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My name is Sarah and I’m a fixer.
You see, I’ve got this nagging “fix it” rooted in me. I like to call it the “Pottsie-fix-it”. Some of my friends know it all too well. It’s my hardly discrete sidekick that comes out when life gets a little crazy. I must say, with years of practice I’ve, or shall I say we, have gotten pretty good at “fixing” things. In my life, and in attempts to “fix” things in my loved one’s lives. Most of the time it’s just easier to panic, get all stressed, go for a run to clear my head, and then make a lengthy to-do list of things needed to get “back to normal”. Sure, my face will break out under the stress, i’ll run a little faster than my prior freak out session, but I’ll work it out! Fear not friends! I’ve got it! I’m good! The weight of it all will only slightly swallow me for a few days, but i’ll hide it well, trod double time, and the check list! Oh, once that last blasted box is check, all will be “good” again!
Right?
“Au contrare, mon ami! Au contrare!” says Jesus. (If he were French, of course.)
Three months ago I moved to South Korea. Tonight i decided that if one craves kimchi and opts for chopsticks over a fork-- they’re no longer “new to Korea”! I’ll be in Korea for a year and in the Lord’s perfect (often comical) timing, he has decided it the best to teach me, again, about trust!
Awesome.
As if leaving my loved ones wasn’t hard enough, let’s though a few curve balls in the mix and see what happens! Now, I don’t promote the cosmic pitcher view of God- but sometimes life just seems as if balls are b-lining toward you and all you can really do is run along, back against the backstop, trying not to get decked. When all along you’ve got a bat chillin’ in the dug out. “GRAB THE BAT KNUCKLEHEAD! GRAB THE BAT!” (Unless you can’t hit. That could prove awful.)
But, I digress.
I know that God has a specific plan for me leaving California and moving to Korea-- part of which I understand now, but a lot is unfolding as the days pass. One thing I do know is this: God is teaching me how to trust him and it’s hard! You see, when you are 6,000 miles, one bus ride, and a 13 hour plane ride away, lack extensive texting or really any convenient cell phone communication, and live 16 hours in the future of everyone you love and care for, and things back home seem a little out of control, my fix-it tendencies are useless. But God, whose ways are higher than mine, knew that it would take radical distance and physical limitations and separation to get through. I’m rather thick at times, but I think I’m starting to get it! (Phew!)
When things in life get a little out of control, I am quick to fret. Quick into “Pottsie-fix-it”, and quick to my feet--ready for action. What can i do to fix what is wrong? How can I make things better? Send a card. Make some soup. Sit and talk. Punch a jerk-face. Share a meal. Read some scripture. Patrol life. Just in case, you know? The list continues. But when you cannot give these things (in any method faster than snail mail), meet up to talk (at an hour normal folks have coffee), or simply be there when people might need you (where you appear to have legs and exist outside of a video box), it’s hard and easy to forget.
It’s easy to forget that God is God. That He is in control. That he is the one who counts and numbers the hairs on the heads of the people I love and that he loves them infinitely more, and can provide for them exceedingly more than I could ever. I am quick to forget that Jesus wins! That he is victorious and that the light will not be overcome with darkness. I am quick to forget that he has good, abundant, full life planned for his children. And back by popular demand, his grace really is sufficient! And well, simple, that I am: E. None of the above.
I’ve mastered the “Trust God!” lingo and will pass it along the next chronic doubter confidently. But deep in my heart I have wrestled with believing that God really will take care of the awful things in this world and most of all the people I love like he promises he will! I forget that He really is orchestrating this whole thing we call life and he really can do it apart from my input, my efforts, and my meager attempt to “fix things”.
He can do it without you too.
Sure, God calls us to carry the burdens of our brothers and sisters. And yes, He calls us to actively and often times tangibly love people. But, not apart from trusting that God is God and He, alone, is in control. Not apart from prayer and supplication and a heart of trust. Trust rooted in remembrance that God was good in the past, He is good in the present, and he will prove to be good again. He really, truly, undoubtedly is able!
He’s God.
(Fancy that!)
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